T-3.IX – The Fear of Teaching
March 24, 2021
This section picks up the theme of equality of worth between teacher and pupil (or parent/child, or therapist/patient). There is an inequality of ability and experience (2:3) though not of worth. Giving unconditionally to the pupil what belongs to the teacher becomes the basis of eliminating the temporary differences and establishing equality of experience and ability, “at the same time gaining for himself” (2:6).
The problem arises when either the pupil or teacher misunderstand what they are to gain from the relationship. Confusion and conflict set in only when comparisons start being made about what each is there to give or to gain. Jesus returns to the example of a parent and child to make this point in Paragraph 4:
“Presumably, children must learn from parents. What parents learn from children is merely of a different order. Ultimately, there is no difference in order, but this involves only knowledge. Neither parents nor children can be said to have knowledge, or their relationships would not exist as if they were on different levels. The same is true of the teacher and the pupil” (4:1-5).
An authority problem occurs when a pupil adopts an image given him by the teacher. A teacher might assume certain things about the pupil, about the nature of the pupil’s own teaching or function. This fill-in-the-blank strategy means the teacher has forgotten his Eternal Guide. This problem with the would-be teacher of God is recognized in the Course and addressed in several places, namely the Manual for Teachers and supplements.
The pupil is correct to reject this and accept the true authority of God. His teacher is there to serve him, not to tell him who or what he is. “The role of a teacher is one of leading himself and others out of the desert” (6:1). Leading out of the desert has been mentioned twice before – with regard to body-identification and ego-identification.
Much of this section’s teaching was directed toward Bill who had a fear of teaching. This problem with image-making is what caused problems for Bill. Bill thought that he was at the mercy of others’ beliefs about him.
“Whenever anyone decides that he can function only in SOME roles but not in others, he cannot BUT be attempting to make a compromise which will not work. If Bill is under the misbelief that he is coping with the fear problem by functioning as an administrator and as a teacher of interns, but NOT as a teacher of students, he is merely deceiving himself. He owes himself greater respect. There is nothing as tragic as the attempt to deceive oneself, because it implies that you perceive yourself as so unworthy that deception is more fitting for you than truth… When Bill says that he cannot teach, he is making the same mistake that we spoke of before, when he acted as if universal laws applied to everyone except him. This is not only arrogant, but patently untrue. Universal laws MUST apply to him, unless he does not exist. We will not bother to argue about this” (Shorthand notes/Urtext).
Bill was more than happy to assume the role of an administrator and teacher of interns. But to stand in front of an auditorium and deliver teaching to students was a role that Bill was unwilling to accept. This problem-solution situation will be re-visited in Chapter 4 when the Course details the differences between the egocentric teacher and the devoted teacher.
Ultimately, answer is to accept the same solution as discussed in the previous two sections: accept ourselves in the One Light of God and let that be our only self-identification. “You will lose all your fear of teaching and relating in any form once you know who you are…. You do not exist in different lights” (13:3, 5).
It is worth noting that Bill’s fear of academic teaching was related to his fear of Course teaching. Helen’s notes indicate that Bill’s role as a teacher was to be develop after the completion of the scribing and publication. Helen would be in a supporting role. This never happened.
There are many accounts from those who knew Bill after he moved to California who testify to his quiet demeanor and distancing himself from the teacher role in the newly formed west coast Course community. This may have been mistaken for humility. That is not a criticism of his gentle nature, or perhaps his prudence and wisdom with correcting others. But unmistakably, there was a decision made not to teach the Course to others.
Carol Howe states in her biography of Bill, Never Forget to Laugh: “Although Bill knew that teaching the Course was not his mission, he fully supported other people’s efforts on behalf of the Course.”
The Course teacher, Hugh Prather, offered this reflection of Bill in the same book:
“He was open to almost any approach. Once at a meeting in La Jolla, Bill was just as happy as a Cheshire cat sitting in this absolutely far-out ‘woo-woo’ California atmosphere. Some people would say things I know he didn’t believe philosophically, yet he was completely accepting of whatever they had to say, their attempts to heal, the songs that they would sing. Also I was impressed with his gentleness, his openness – he would talk about anything you wanted to talk about” (p. 199).
This image of Bill does not reconcile itself with the teacher that the Course is describing, especially one who understood the Course with the depth that Bill did. There is a longer reflection offered by Ken Wapnick (too long to share here, but we can review in class) that provides deeper insight that Bill was repeating with the Course earlier themes of fear of teaching that he experienced as a university professor.
The purpose here is not to pick on Bill. The testimonies in Carol Howe’s book cast him in an incredibly positive light. His influence and inspiration on those who met him and knew him should inspire us as well. I have certainly been inspired by his life story, his contributions, and his fondness for puns. But the shorthand notes, and particularly this section, speak to a different role for Bill than the one he assumed.
The solution for Bill in 1978 was written right here on the page in 1965. He just needed to review the notes. If you have had problems with anxiety in the teaching role, and feel called to that role, this section is written for you. I have experienced fear of teaching in my professional capacity, and like Bill can selectively teach in some settings but revolt from others. Understanding these teaching, especially the personal context of Bill being taught by Jesus, has had a tremendously healing effect on me, moving my anxiety in these professional settings into a realistic range.
“I live in God’s light.” If we can feel this and nurture this belief, then we can cure any problems and anxieties we have with accepting the teaching role.
Suggested PracticeI do not exist in different lights, only God’s light. I will abolish my fear of teaching by accepting this interpretation of who I am.